★★★★☆ Game recognizes game

Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love

isthisselfcare

** spoiler alert **

The odd thing about isthisselfcare (AKA Brigitte Knightley)'s Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love is that it is completely predictable, except that every little thing in it comes as a complete surprise. It's Dramione fanfic, and faithfully follows the enemies-to-lovers ultra-slow-burn formulas. That said, I didn't foresee the nuns vs werewolves battle, or the hot scene in which Malfoy is aroused by Granger's calculations of geodesic polyhedra. The scene in which Malfoy and Granger's secret feelings are revealed by an inconvenient sneakoscope was clever, as was the first scene in which the smell of Amortentia reveals that Malfoy and Granger have fallen for each other. (I specify the "first scene, because this device shows up again later and is overused towards the end.)

I think the most surprising and (to me) pleasing aspect of the story was the "Game Recognizes Game" romance. You know the story from the blurb: Granger, a biomedical researcher (and let me just say that Knightley obviously has a background in biomedicine and molecular immunology -- she knows her stuff) is on the verge of a major breakthrough that is going to make some people very unhappy. Murderously unhappy, to be precise. Malfoy, who is working as an Auror -- a magical policeman -- is assigned to keep her safe.

Both of them are unhappy about this. They despised each other at Hogwarts and fought on opposite sides in Voldemort's War. What's more, they have some reason for their mutual dislike: Granger is a joyless swot, and Malfoy is a rake and a fop. But they both have Game -- they are extremely good at what they do. Granger stands alone as a researcher in magical healing. Malfoy is an extremely skilled auror and eventually stands revealed as something of a swot himself. They can't help admiring each other -- "Game Recognizes Game". Neither of them wants these feelings. This part of the story is the most fun -- their frustration at these blasted unwanted feelings never gets old.

Eventually it all comes out in the open. In the penultimate chapter, "Dynamic Fluid Exchanges: A Practical Model" they have sex, and in the final chapter "Journeys End in Lovers Meeting" he proposes and she says yes. Those chapters bored me, but I am an old aromantic grump, so of course that was gonna happen. Normal humans will probably enjoy these chapters. At the end Granger is no longer both joyless and a swot, and Malfoy is no longer both a rake and a fop. (Each of them is still one of those things, however.)

There is one gigantic plot hole, but it is what we mathematicians call a Removable Singularity -- that is, it could be fixed by localized changes that would have no effect on the broader story, and since I could imagine those myself, I didn't let it bother me.

I will mention one last thing -- there is a lot of French. If you don't read French, you might find this frustrating. I mention it only because when I was a kid I found untranslated foreign language intrusions frustrating. If this sounds like you, have google translate ready to go.

In summary, this is tremendous fun, and surprisingly unpredictable in surprising ways.

Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Lone on archiveofourown

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